Does it ever get better?

I lost my son less then 3 months ago and I thought I was doing a little better.  The physical chest pain went away.  My heart still aches and I cry all the time but since going back to work I feel worse.  I hate having people see me and thinking I am OK.  I can't stop thinking of my baby.  What kind of baby would he be?  I wish I could see him wrap his little arms around his Father when he got home from work.  I wish he was here to snuggle with and dress him up and kiss him all over.  I look forward to death.  I would NEVER do anything because I would not want my family to feel the pain I am feeling but either  I will see him again or I will stop this aching heartache of missing him.  I can't stand it, I enjoy nothing.  I try and I feel like a ghost of the person I used to be.  I have dreamed of being a Mommy my entire life and at 41 years old I was 6 weeks away from having it all.  I don't know how people get thru this and when it will get bearable?  I know in time it has to right?  I know I will always miss him but will I ever enjoy anything again???????????????  This is so unfair, people have it so easy and don't appreciate it.  I feel like I am put on this earth to make people feel better about their lives.  They hush and whisper, "Poor Jenny, things could be worse, you could be her".  I have now scared people into getting extra sonograms and scared other friends to start trying now.  Where was my warning???? I thought I was safe?  If there is a God, I hope he shows me some mercy and sends me a rainbow soon.  It is the only chance I have of having joy again.  sorry it is a pity party but you guys are the only people that will understand my pain.