I lost my son Benjamin August 6th and I have cried everyday since. Yes, the tears are not all day like they were in the beginning but it still happens at least once a day. I miss him and I wish he was cuddling on the couch with me as I changed his diaper and kissed his belly and squeezed his little hands and toes. I have come so far, the first month I couldn't get off the couch just to shower. I can now go into public without breaking down as much. Now I have one hurdle to get over and that is work. It will be like reopening a wound. People will either not mention it or I will have to relive it all over again. Not to mention the added stress. I wish you could take 6 months off for the death of a child, it doesn't seem like asking for much. My family and friends, well most of them want me to go back. I think they think the distraction will be helpful and to them it is sign " I am better". However, there is no distraction from grieving your baby and let's be honest we will never be the same naïve people we were. I will never be "better" this is the new me take it or leave it. I had no idea anything could hurt so much or I could love this intensely. I knew I would love Benjamin, I had no idea it would feel like my heart was ripped out to be here without him. I love you Benny so so very much so so so very much.
Oh PS follicles are 17.5 and 18 IUI Friday so we shall see if Benny sends me someone to love and bring real joy again to my life.
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