My heart is broken and everyone telling me Happy Birthday doesn't help, what is happy about it? I am 42 years old today another year of no baby and my birthday just is a sign that the odds are more and more against me. I thought this year would be different. My baby boy should be a month old and snuggling here with me. I should be covered in baby puke and baby powder. I am TTC and trying to hold on but my heart is aching and now the guilt is back. Why did my body fail him? What did I do? I would gladly give my life for him to bring him back because life here without him is no life really at all. I will put on a brave face for the people that love me and go to a nice quiet dinner with my fiancé but this is pure torture. I have my good days but holidays and birthdays are just reminders of what should have been.
Mommy misses you Benjamin and I hope you know how much I love you and I am sorry for anything I missed that could have saved you.
Thinking of you Jenny.
ReplyDelete