I know I didn't have to mail them but they were sitting in Benjamin's room and everyone had already written the address on the return envelope because we played a game at the shower. I had my shower a week before he died. I didn't even finish putting stuff away. Stupid me, I thought I had 6 weeks to finish his room and put his cute clothes away. Anyway, I enjoyed writing the notes thanking the people I love for coming to celebrate Benjamin. I know they were happy for me and loved him also. However, I go to the post office and the postal worker looks at this pregnant lady (guessing 8 or 9 months) and says to another lady, "Does she know what she is getting herself into?" and the other woman laughs and says, "I know it is so hard ha ha" and they both have their chuckle. I am so glad I wasn't the person she said it too. I was thinking, you don't know hard. What is hard is NOT hearing your baby cry, not having sleepless nights because they baby needed to be fed or needed a cuddle or to be rocked. What I GIVE to rock my baby to sleep, to stay up all night staring at his precious face and kiss his tiny forehead. I just still am floored everywhere I go I see a reminder.........a reminder of what I lost.
I miss you Benjamin and I love you so so very much!
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